Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Counting my blessings

At the beginning of the summer I was so so sick. I could hardly eat, had shortness of breath and doctors telling me they had no clue why. I was so frustrated! I had people talking about me behind my back saying I was having a nervous breakdown, lived a wild life and was having panic attacks because of me wild life. Little did these people know that I live the most mudane life ever! At first I was mad that these "so called" friends of mine would say things like that about me, it really infuriated me! But then I got to thinking that maybe their own lives are so full of bad things that they need to talk about someone else and make up lies to make themselves feel better about their own problems. After that I was fine and personally forgave them in my heart but I no longer deal with those people.
During all this sickness I was referred to a therapist from Tunsania and instantly "loved" him! He didn't think I was crazy and didn't want to put me on pills. Instead he thought I should a get a second opinion to rule out anything that could be major. So I went for my second opinion and thats when I found out that I had a bacterial infection in the lining of my stomach that was causing me to be short of breath and not being able to eat. Plus it was mentally frustrating as well. After I found all this out I decided I didn't need to go to a therapist because I was sick and not having anxiety. Boy was I wrong!
So I went back to my new doctor and told her all the symptoms I was still feeling. She ordered all of my files from both hospitals and previous doctors office. She looked over them and told me that I had been tested for everything major and I was perfectly fine. I thought this would put me at ease but it didn't. I was still feeling like I could not breath at night and waking of breathing really fast. It freaked me out. I thought they had missed something. But my doctor assured me that I was fine. She told me I had anxiety. I told her she was nuts and I didn't have anxiety. She gave me a prescription for some pills that I have never filled and told her I wasn't. I told her I would think about seeing a therapist but in the back of my mind I knew I wasn't going to go to a therapist. I was fine, I knew they had missed something.
Two days later the therapist from Tunsinia called to check on me. He asked how I was doing and I told him all about my doctors visit and what infection I had and that I wasn't coming back to him. We ended the conversation and he said if you ever want to come and talk about what happened that he would love to see me. I told him that I was fine and I could handle it on my own.
Two weeks later I was having a really bad day. I couldn't eat, I was tired and I thought I was dying. With the infection I had it takes your body up to a year to get back to normal. So I will still feel all the symptoms I had when I was sick. Now thats a bummer! Anyways that day I just kept telling myself "Molly you are fine, it's just going to take time". I got down on the floor and just started praying and asking that the Lord just take this sickness away and heal me. And all I got was a name being repeated in my head. And I was thinking no Lord I'm not going to a therapist, I am sick not crazy! Boy does the Lord know you better than you do! So I got up and called the therapist like the Lord told me to.
My first appointment I was nervous. I just knew I didn't need to be there. I was still being very stubborn and knew the Lord was laughing at what a stubborn child I am of His. I went into the room and sat down. It was very cozy like the time I remembered three months ago. The lights were dim and the couch was full of blankets. He asked me how I was doing and I told him I was fine. We talked for an hour. I really like him. He was funny, told stories and let me tell him about my crazy life. He said he wanted to see me again the next week. I looked at him and thought what, um no I am fine, you showed me some breathing techniques, I'm cool. But something deep down told me to say yes to the next appointment.
The next week came and I was kind of excited to him at 3:00. I walked in and waited and read a magazine. He came and got me and I heard something say "see I told you". It was the Lord. WE went in the room and I sat down. I said "I haven't told you everything". He said "I know". I felt the Lord sitting with me on that cozy couch and I burst into tears. I told him how I was horrified of going to sleep because I thought I was going to wake up and couldn't breathe, I told him how my dad didn't think I was sick this summer and played favorites with his children, I told him how busy I was running three businesses, I told him how I still "feel" sick and there are some days I can't function. I felt so much better after I told him everything. I told him how I had prayed that day and the Lord told me to call him. It almost felt surreal being in that room. Then something magical happened.
He started qouting scripture and told me a story of how a man prayed about the "cross" he was carrying and God told him to let it go and pick out another cross and the man finally found a new cross but it was his cross he had given up in the first place. My therapist was a christian! He understood me, he knew where I was coming from.
I now feel like I can get over this sickness and anxiety from it because God found me a perfect person to help me. Little did I know four months ago that I would be sitting in that office again. I have only had two visits but I feel like such a burden has been lifted off of me. Isn't it funny how God works and you think you are in control but you are not. Its really hard to give everything to Him but in the end it's the best thing you can do, because God knows what best for you.
~Gal Molly

1 comment:

cmrpaul said...

Aww, God bless you, Molly! I'm so glad you are getting help and support and that your eyes are so open as to see God's work in your life. You are blessed, indeed. Stupid illness, I can't for your whole year to be up and it be gone! <3